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Empower Your Relationships!! Solutions That Can Save Your Relationship


Relationships could be a bed of roses when viewed from an entirely different perspective. However, some people have their relationship on the rocks, and it is high time that you reflect on your relationships and try to save it. Yet, to find a couple who have never had bumps in their roads is relatively rare. If you notice before time, despite, what those relationship difficulties might be, you will have a chance of getting past them.
Every relationship may have uphills and downhills. However, successful couples try to analyse the problems and sort it out before it takes over the relationship, opines marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of ‘The Marriage Turnaround’. These couples hang on with their problems, trying to tackle with it, and trying to work on the complex challenges they are facing. Most of them handle these situations through self-help books and articles, observing other successful couples, going for counselling, attending seminars or simply by using trial and error.

Relationship Problem: Communication
According to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, who is the author of Blending Families, all the relationship problems originate from poor communication. She stated that communication cannot be carried out while you are watching TV, checking your BlackBerry or flipping through the sports section.

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Problem-solving tactics:
1. Shimberg opines that people should make an actual appointment with each other so as to communicate. Especially, when you live together, you may need to keep aside your cell phones, let your voicemail pick up your calls, put your kids to bed early or perhaps switch off the TV.
2. If communication without raising your voice is quite next to impossible for you, then it is better to go to a park, restaurant or library, in which case you would be embarrassed if someone else saw you screaming.

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3. You may need to set up certain rules like trying to avoid phrases like “You always..” or “You never..”. Another important thing is that you should try to maintain your calm and let your partner finish his/her talk. Always try not to interrupt in between.
4. One of the most irritating situation is when someone tries to speak up, and the other person shows gestures revealing a “not interested” look. This is where you have to work on your body language to show that you are listening to him/her. Try not to pick your nails, doodle or look into your watch when your partner is speaking. Instead, nod, so that the other person knows that you are getting the message.

Relationship Problem: Sex
When it comes to sex, even the partners who love each other could be a mismatch. Mary Jo Fay, an author of ‘Please Dear, Not Tonight’, says that a lack of sexual education and self-awareness exacerbates these problems. However, Fay also opines that having sex should be one of the last things that you give up. She adds that, sex brings the couple together and that it releases certain hormones that will help their bodies both physically and mentally sound and also keep the chemistry of a healthy couple strong.

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Problem-solving tactics:
Planning is what you have to do. Fay recommends making an appointment, but it need not be at night when everyone is exhausted. Perhaps while the baby’s Saturday midday sleep. You can also ask your friends or family to take the children every other Friday evening for a sleepover. Fay opines that your anticipation increases when sex is on your calendar. People always prefer changes. Henceforth a change in the way you make love could make a difference. Why not have sex near the fireplace? Or kitchen or perhaps in the hallway?
California psychotherapist Allison Cohen suggests to come up with a “Sexy list” in which you can actually write down the things that turn you and your partners on. You could also swap the lists and use them to create more situations that turn you both on.
If your sexual relationship intricacies cannot be solved on your own, Fay advises consulting a qualified sex therapist to assist you both in discussing and resolving your problems.

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Relationship Problem: Money
Money is one of the common issues that sprouts up in a relationship. These problems can begin even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can arise, from the times of dating or the high cost of a wedding. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) recommends that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

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Problem-solving tactics:
Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with your partner and tell him/her your present financial position. Do not try to address the subject in the course of action. Rather, set aside a time that is comfortable and non-threatening for both of you.
Recognise that one partner may be a spender and the other the saver, note that there are benefits to both. Try to agree to learn from each other’s inclinations. Carry financial documents, comprising pay stubs, bank statements, a recent credit report, investments, insurance policies and debts to the table.

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Create a joint budget that includes savings.
Select which person will be accountable for paying the monthly bills.
Let each person to have confidence by setting aside money to be used at his or her preference.
Decide upon long-term and short-term. You can have individual goals along with family goals.

Relationship Problem: Struggles Over Home Chores (1)

Nowadays, most of the partners have a job outside the home, and some even have more than one job. So, it is imperative to divide the house chores between the partners, opines Paulette Kouffman-Sherman, author of ‘Dating From the Inside Out’.
Problem-solving tactics:
Kouffman-Sherman advises to being organised and definite about your individual jobs in the home. It will be easy for you if you if you write down all the jobs and then agree on who does what job. This will make everything go fair and peaceful.
She also opines that people should be open to other solutions. For example, if both the partners hate to do household work, then you should probably go for a cleaning service.
If one of you likes the laundry and the yard and the other likes housework, yu can prepare the chart accordingly. You can be inventive and take choices into account, as long as it feels right to both of you.

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Problem-solving strategies:
1. Try to do the things that you used to do when you were first dating. Appreciate things, contact each other through the day, compliment each other and show concern for each other.
2.Decide on to date nights. Schedule time jointly on the calendar just as you would any other major event in your life.
3.Give regard to one another, as the saying goes ‘Give respect and take respect’.

Relationship Problem: Conflict
According to New York-based psychologist, Susan Silverman, random conflicts are a part of life. However, if this happens every day, then it is time to break free this toxic routine. It is easy to look at the underlying issues and lessen your anger if you put some effort into it.

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Problem-solving tactics:
Silverman says that you and your partner can learn to debate in a more helpful, civil manner. Make these tactics part of who you are in this relationship.
1.Understand that you are not a victim. It is your decision whether you respond and how you respond.
2.Be straight with yourself. Imagine yourself in an argument. If you have a tendency to put forward comments that will gear down the conflict, then it is fine. However, if your comments tend to hurt or make the situation worse, then you may need to change your strategy.
3. If you follow a strategy which has not brought any change to the problems in your relationship, but rather brings unhappiness, then it is time to change. If you are a person who tries to flare up be-fore the other person is finished with his/her talk, then you need to control this and let him/her speak. Do not try to defend you before you hear his/ her part.
4.Give a little and get a lot. If you understand that it is your mistake, try to accept it and apologise for it.
5.Silverman says that the only one in your charge is you and that you cannot control anyone else’s behaviour.

Relationship Problem: Trust

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Trust is a fundamental part of a relationship. You could also call it a backbone of a relationship.
Problem-solving tactics:
Fay says that there are certain tips with which you and your partner can develop trust with each other. Those tips are as follows;
You should be consistent and on time. Try to do the things that you said you would do. Another important point is ‘Do not Lie’; not even little white lies, to your partner or others. Try to be fair, even in an argument and show some respect to others feelings. Even if you disagree, do not discount how your partner is feeling. Call when you say you will and call to say you will be home late. Carry your fair share of the workload and don not overreact when things go astray. Never say things you can’t take back and do not dig up old wounds. Always try to respect your partner’s boundaries and don’t be jealous. You can also try to be a good listener. Sherman says that people can minimise the problems in a relationship even if you cannot totally avoid it.
Being faithful is one of the steps to relationship success. You just can’t think that he/she will figure out things nad will meet your needs because that is just a “Hollywood fantasy”. If you want something done, ask directly.

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Finally, be prepared to work on your relationship and to look positively at what is to be done. Do not believe that things would be better with someone else. Unless you approach problems, the same loss of skills that get in the way now will still be there and still cause difficulties no matter what relationship you are in.